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She said it was crudeTo be wooed in the nudeI persued her, subdued her, and screwed her!There was a young lady of BicesterWho was nicer by far than her sister:The sister would giggleAnd wiggle and jiggle,But this one would come if you kissed her.There once was a son of a bitch,Neither clever, nor handsome, nor rich,Yet the girls he would dazzle,And fuck to a frazzle,And then ditch them, the son of a bitch!There once was a young fellow named Blaine,And he screwed some disgusting old jane.She was ugly and smelly,With an awful pot belly,But ... well, they were caught in the rain.There was a young sailor form BrightonWho remarked to his girl, “You’re a tight one.”She replied, “‘Pon my soul,You’re in the wrong hole;There’s plenty of room in the right one.A lacklustre lady of BroughamWeaveth all night at her loom.Anon she doth blenchWhen her lord and his wenchPull a chain in the neighbouring room.A middle aged codger named BruinFound his love life completely a ruin,For he flirted with. Gayness – is that a word? – is simply not respectable. Why, what would mother say?’ Ed, newly gay, sighed somewhat exasperatedly. It was impossible to reason with his little sister when she was like this. He really ought to have gone with the note-on-whiteboard-idea. ‘It’s not a matter of choice, Charles. I can’t just flick a switch and turn it off, you know. And mother’s dead, so it’s a moot question.’ His sister eyed him with irritable frustration. ‘Well, can’t you be bi, or something? At least that’s fashionable. All the fashionable people are bisexual these days. It’s the in thing, I hear.’ ‘Absolutely not,’ said Ed. ‘I told you, it’s not a choice.’ ‘I just – I simply cannot believe it. You cannot be gay! Why, if you were, I’m sure I’d have known before now. We did grow up together, and all.’ ‘Well,’ said Ed, eying his sister with a mix of amusement and wryness. ‘The fact that I never dated and spent an inordinate amount of time in the boy’s locker room really ought to have.
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